. Being able to offer empathy and respect to those around you will also go a long way to avoiding the trap of reciprocal defensiveness. An old-fashioned rule we can no longer put up with. Some people have nervous systems that respond more frequently and intensely to sensory stimulation. Defense industry, industry which manufactures and sells weapons and military technology. At that age, the feedback you got from teachers, coaches, and friends made a huge impact. What to Do If You or a Loved One Lack Empathy, How Nitpicking Can Damage Your Relationship, Daily Tips for a Healthy Mind to Your Inbox, Defensiveness: How it Works and What to Do About It. The feeling is typically elicited when you feel as though someone is being critical of you, and results in shame, sadness, and anger. But in the interests of making s, Conflict gets a bad rap. Are you unsure whether you have been engaging in defensive behavior? self-protective. 0 && stateHdr.searchDesk ? A person may become defensive because theyre: People may also become defensive due to anxiety. Another way to manage defensiveness is to improve your communication skills. Should I Respond to Negative Comments on Social Media? Do you stand with arms crossed, stand a little taller? Acknowledging that you play some role in the problem will help to defuse the situation and allow you to work together with the other person to solve the issue. A slightly awkward pause buys you time and, as a bonus, throws them off their game. It can also be someone that is a regular victim of emotional abuse that is constantly criticized. No one is better prepared to provide that training than the National Safety Council. In turn, behavior usually results from the feeling, such as being sarcastic, giving someone the silent treatment, or being critical in return. A study from the Journal of Experimental Psychology delved into this issue. A defensive person can be someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Therefore, if you can anticipate when it is more likely to happen, you can plan how to show compassion to yourself as well as how you would like to react. The only problem? 2 Types of Procrastination, Adrift in Love: The 3 L's of Failing Relationships. Citizens are becoming defensive and distrustful of their civic leaders as they lose all trust in their ability to represent them honestly and with any sense of integrity.. Using the word opinion. Overall, you feel negative a lot of the time and have lost your ability to see the positive in anything in your life. protective, watchful synonyms for defensive Compare Synonyms opposing averting conservative foiling forestalling preservative preventive thwarting arresting balking checking coping with defending frustrating guarding in opposition interrupting protecting resistive safeguarding uptight or "What would you prefer I do next time?". On the other hand, you may wish to know how to stop making other people react in a defensive way. Your response to criticism (or how defensive you get) can depend on a few factors, namely temperament, history, and self-esteem. Now that you know about the signs of being defensive, you might also be wondering if there are different types of defensiveness. cautious. Remembering our firmest beliefs and passions can make us feel less defensive. To be defensive is to react with an overprotective mentality so a situation that perhaps doesn't warrant it. protective, watchful synonyms for defensive Compare Synonyms opposing averting conservative foiling forestalling preservative preventive thwarting arresting balking checking coping with defending frustrating guarding in opposition interrupting protecting resistive safeguarding uptight Prepared to withstand or counter aggression or attack. Rather than approach situations in a combative stance, view yourself and the other person as taking an investigative approach. But if you find that either you or your partner is always on guard, waiting on the front lines to pounce into a defensive mode of communicating, it can be deeply harmful to the relationship. Then, you can reapproach the subject once both sides are calm and ready to face it with a more open mind. I apologize.. WebDistrustful of others. , , : () ( , Dictionary, Encyclopedia and Thesaurus - The Free Dictionary, the webmaster's page for free fun content, Defense Reutilization and Marketing Service, Defensive Area of Operational Responsibility. self-protective. wary. Opposite offensive However, this method may be limiting because you may be focused on ways to bend that could compromise some of your needs while trying to meet the needs of the other. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Advertisement 2. Both praise and critical feedback can be confusing for kids of colorhow can they be sure criticism is justified or just driven by bias? After they read, they answered some questions that supposedly gauged their comprehension. sive di-fen (t)-siv d-fen (t)- 1 : serving or intended to defend or protect a defensive alliance 2 : resisting or preventing attack defensive behavior Used or intended to avert or thwart danger or disaster, In its 1988 report, it announced a restrictive policy regarding legal, Sensitive to, or very anxious to challenge or avoid, criticism, Host Alan Kohler quite nicely brought out this, Aiming to justify or excuse oneself or one's actions, He wanted her to answer without him trying to fill in the uncomfortable silence between them with, Of, pertaining to, or exhibiting opposition, A (heightened) state of being ready to defend oneself, Find a way to encourage dialogue rather than putting him on the, Defensive or repulsive, particularly as applied to glands of certain invertebrates. As you validate your feelings of being hurt or feeling ashamed, and show compassion toward yourself for how you are feeling, you can also acknowledge the fact that you dont need to act upon the impulse to react defensively. The relationship begins to smolder with resentments that undermine us in ways they wouldn't if expressed freely in the first place. Learn communication skills to. A defensive person can also be someone that has low self-esteem or that has a difficult time listening to criticisms about themself. (2013). Fourteen words that helped define the year. Make excuses about whatever you are being criticized about. So when you least feel like reaching out to connect, take a risk and try it; the results will pay off (much more than isolating yourself). Defense mechanisms associated with borderline personality disorder. EI is the ability to understand, manage, and use your emotions in positive ways to help communicate with others, relieve stress, and diffuse conflict. (2016). Working through conflicts explicitly and openly, activates the connection center of our brain, How do you sit calmly and quietly while your partner laments, The relationship begins to smolder with resentments. Middle English defensif, borrowed from Anglo-French, borrowed from Medieval Latin dfensvus, from Latin dfensus, past participle of dfendere "to ward off, defend" + -vus -ive, Middle English defensif "something acting as protection," borrowed from Medieval Latin dfensvum, noun derivative from neuter of dfensvus defensive entry 1, 14th century, in the meaning defined at sense 1. That is a strong argument that defensive stocks are objectively better investments than other stocks. Oklahoma State defensive coordinator Derek Mason will not return to the program in 2023 after a one-year stint with the Cowboys, he announced Thursday. cautious. Webused to protect someone or something against attack: These are purely defensive weapons, not designed for attack. Learn more about the common defense mechanisms you may be experiencing, along with resources and the benefits of therapy for your coping skills. To wrap it all up, leave great defense to the likes of that balled-up porcupine. You should consider releasing your judgment of the other person and consider why theyre reacting in such a way. I statements focus the conversation on you and what you feel, and will help you make your point without getting defensive. You can do this is one of two ways. Try to remain uncompetitive when approaching someone on the defense. In the study, university students were primed by reading one of two specific passages written in the style of a news article: one said that intelligence was inherited and fixed from a young age, while the other said that intelligence could be increased substantially over the life span. In understanding defensiveness better, we can learn to dismantle it as a habit and begin engaging more compassionately and openly in our relationships. Webdefensive See definition of defensive on Dictionary.com adj. At the heart of our vulnerability lies the feeling that we've been hurt by someone we love. Teams using DTs generally have two on the field at a time. Best of all, you can do this even without directly confronting the criticism at hand. Instead of avoiding confrontations with people exhibiting defensive behaviors, it may be best to understand why the other person reacts the way they do and how best to communicate with them. Obreabska M, et al. Opposite. Delivered to your inbox! Year to date through Sept. 21, the closely watched CBOE Volatility Index is up 62.5%. And when we humans are faced with criticism, we also ready the drawbridge, project a ball of spines, or prepare for the tackle. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. What do you call a defensive person? In the other case, there is a clear goal to your communication and an easy way for the other person to comply. Webadjective attempting to justify or defend in speech or writing synonyms: justificative, justificatory apologetic, excusatory offering or expressing apology adjective intended or appropriate for defending against or deterring aggression or attack defensive weapons a defensive stance Synonyms: antiaircraft self-protective. Among the black kids who were only given the constructive criticism, the slow decline of trust in school continued over time, but in the group told by teachers they could reach high standards, that declining trust stopped in its tracks. offensive (ATTACKING) More examples. Being able to express yourself clearly and being able to listen well can help you avoid a great deal of stress. Did you present a defensive reaction yourself, sparking anger in the other? wary. So today, lets look at five ways to regulate your mood and stop getting defensive. No one is better prepared to provide that training than the National Safety Council. Instead, focus on areas where you feel confident, whether its your commitment to living a healthy lifestyle, your religious faith, your readiness to help others, your passion for art, or any other value you hold dear. Also, defensive players in football try to prevent the other side from scoring, just like defensive military strategies try to protect something. You end up making other people feel bad without the intention to do so and this makes you feel even worse. Experiment with viewing the situation from different vantage points. Defensive. Merriam-Webster.com Thesaurus, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/defensive. a defensive weapons system; defensive behavior. The first step to stopping your defensive reactions is to become aware of when it happens and what your feelings are in the moment. So, for example, if youre feeling defensive after a not-so-stellar work review, forget about frantically rehashing all your past workplace triumphs. Friction can be necessary, and even healthy at times. Its possible that you dont recognize that you are in fact hurt, angry, sad, ashamed, or feeling belittled when you react defensively. Consider only responding in a competitive or forceful way when there is an emergency, such as when someone is in danger or when there are serious safety concerns. All rights reserved. Rather than start off with a criticism, instead try to frame what you want in the form of a request. WebNSC Defensive Driving Courses. Defensiveness refers to both a feeling and a behavior. Adjective. If not, its time to get clear on how you want to behave. For example, your husband forgets to pass along a message, your wife forgets to pick up milk at the store, or your partner says something that inadvertently hurts your feelings. (2017). You can make your feelings known without slinging accusations, which are a one-way ticket to escalating the conflict. Opposite. Since you cant always avoid conflict, it may be beneficial to consider these tips and tricks for communicating effectively, especially with someone defensive. The "conflict cycle" goes like this: connect, rupture, protest, repair, and reconnect. 2005-2023 Psych Central a Red Ventures Company. Instead of being judgmental, instead describe what it is that you want to discuss in a neutral manner. A defensive person can be someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. If you know that to defend is to protect, you have an idea what defensive means. Conflict management: Difficult conversations with difficult people. How to communicate with a defensive person, frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01182/full?ltclid=, researchgate.net/publication/317305481_Conflict_Management_Styles_and_Organizational_CommitmentThe_Conceptual_Framework_Development, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/labs/pmc/articles/PMC3835442/, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5961625/, sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/12/201201103610.htm, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/labs/pmc/articles/PMC3203733/, Common Defense Mechanisms and Why They Work, How People Act Out When Feeling Threatened: Defensive Body Language. Of or relating to the effort to prevent an opponent from gaining points in a game or athletic contest. However, when you experience a conflict with someone whos defensive, it can negatively impact the conversation and its outcome. For example, if your neighbor is playing loud music, ask for the music to be turned down instead of offering judgment about what the neighbor is doing. WebDefense (military), forces primarily intended for warfare. Perhaps its around a certain person or in a certain situation. Linda Carroll, M.S., LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and board-certified life coach currently living in Oregon. This could be particularly helpful if you are experiencing defensiveness in your relationship. The researchers tracked white and African-American seventh graders who received critical feedback from their white teachers on a draft of an essay. I statements are key to reducing defensiveness. This type of reaction to a problem may be easy to spot. Getting defensive helps us protect our character and our sense of competence. Send us feedback. Adjective. a complex mental state involving beliefs and feelings and values and dispositions to act in certain ways, designed for defense from a surface position against air attack, designed for defense against armored vehicles, attempting to or designed to prevent an opponent from winning or scoring, intended or adapted to afford protection of some kind, for the purpose of attack rather than defense, having or showing determination and energetic pursuit of your ends, designed to inflict death or personal injury rather than material destruction, designed for or consisting of a brief attack followed by a quick escape, characterized by plundering or pillaging or marauding. . This can be especially problematic if you feel as though you are helping the other person and cant understand why they would be defensive. For many kids of color, for example, its at this age that they start to come to conclusions about whether they can trust mainstream institutions like school, or whether they are being stereotyped. Defensive stocks are stocks that generate relatively stable performances regardless of the market cycle. Conflicting, positive or strongly held? Teams using DTs generally have two on the field at a time. offensive (ATTACKING) More examples. One of the most effective methods of communicating with a defensive person is using I statements. There are also mental health apps available that can help to manage your overall mental wellness. defensive 4. Overton A, et al. Aiming to justify or excuse oneself or one's actions. The reasons for defensiveness are myriad and important to understand, but they don't take away the need to learn how to rewire ourselves away from the impulse to immediately self-protect. Webdefensive 1 of 2 adjective as in protective intended to resist or prevent attack or aggression a defensive alliance among the small nations against the aggressors Synonyms & Similar Words Relevance protective self-protective preventive deterrent secure safe Antonyms & Near Antonyms offensive aggressive combative belligerent warlike militant Psych Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. An agreed-upon intermediary may also be helpful in resolving the issue. But the participants who had been primed to think intelligence was malleable coped by being curious about the strategies of those who performed better. In fact, you could even attend couples counseling to work on your communication as a couple. distrustful. Civil defense, the organizing of civilians to deal with emergencies or enemy attacks. As you point out the flaws in the other person to avoid feeling attacked, you end up making the other person defensive as well. Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. As the chemistry of the "honeymoon phase" shifts, a second kind of circuitry emerges, one that is about sustainable connection. Civil defense, the organizing of civilians to deal with emergencies or enemy attacks. Then all the participants were given just four minutes to read a long and confusing passage from Freuds classic The Interpretation of Dreams, which, with its late 1800s language and esoteric ideas, was about as easy to get through as a line at the DMV on your lunch hour. 0 && stateHdr.searchDesk ? When we experience our partner as a threat, we withdraw to protect ourselves from further injury. So how can we channel our energy into self-improvement rather than self-defense? It gives your partner the benefit of the doubt, allowing, in the best of circumstances, for them to repair the situation with a simple, "I'm sorry. Defensive stocks as a group have a higher Sharpe ratio than the stock market as a whole. 20 Common Defense Mechanisms and How They Work. If your partner is giving you criticism that is making you feel defensive, can you express why? From our flagship defensive driving classroom programs to our award-winning online courses, weve already trained more than But in the long term, it undermines us and our relationships. Research from 2020 suggested that people use defensiveness to give themselves a break when they do something wrong. What. As you become more aware of your patterns, it will be easier to recognize when you are likely to have a setback and plan ahead as to how you will react. 3. Thats why driver safety training is so important. Below are some tips on how to cope and defuse this situation when you are faced with a defensive person. Weba. Find something that you can agree on before trying to problem solve so that you start on common ground. Avoiding conflict isnt always healthy. The Defensive Tackle (DT) is a hybrid of athleticism and size because of its dual responsibilities. Over time, your goodwill and empathy toward others has been eroded. If your parents shamed you often and punished you harshly, it's likely that, as an adult, you quickly feel self-protective whenever you see someone upset and angry about something. This means framing the effects of situation around your personal experience, not on what the other person did wrong or what it might mean about them as a person. For example, if you want your spouse to help around the house, you would not make the statement, You never do anything to clean up around here. Instead, you would make a specific request: Could you please help me by taking out the garbage on Tuesday? or Could you help me by vacuuming the carpets on Saturday?, In one case, it sounds like you just want to complain. Just let the adrenaline surge crest and gather your thoughts. What do you call a defensive person? They are expected to wreak havoc with the Offensive Line on running plays by physically clogging up the gaps between the Center, Guards, and Tackles to prevent a running back from getting You are not the only one to feel this way, and your reactions are perfectly normal. If you know a particular topic always makes you feel hurt or angry, its acceptable to tell the other person that you dont want to discuss it unless the goal is finding a solution. In the first stage of love, when we're infatuated by the freshness and excitement of new romance, we anticipate the best in our new partner. Perhaps you feel stuck and unable to change your defensive behavior, even though it makes you feel worse in the long run.
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