If he comes to you after your relationship has ended, you must understand he is coming to you because he is not getting enough attention or validation from his current source of supply. The best thing you can do is to call out BS when you hear it. Moreover, they are obsessed Narcissists need both a scapegoat and a golden child to validate their distorted view of the world. You should also take any other reasonable steps to protect yourself from them. with the person who always showers you with sweetness, encouraging words, praises, excitement, laughter, and love. Have you ever asked yourself how to know if a narcissist is finished with you? There was no respect for you, and now that youre no use, you will be discarded. As soon as they have you back in this place, they stop trying. Angela we're not done. I kept trying to talk with him. They want to discover your weaknesses and flaws so they can use them against you later. The abuser no longer tries to pacify you because he no longer thinks youre worth keeping. Im in a good place, or something similar. Please see our disclosure to learn more. Why do they suddenly appear out of nowhere again? Im Patricia, and my mother is a narcissist, so I know what youre going through. It is when this abuser has destroyed and drained you. Having said that, if youre going no contact for the right reasons you want to be free from emotional abuse and manipulative control efforts then you should not want to contact them anymore at all. They crave attention and love to brag about the things they have accomplished. Of course, if you dont have any reason to be in contact with them, then dont. No time for pretensions now that your abuser is done. When you cut off contact with a narcissist, their first instinct is to reach for things that have worked in the past. 6 Let them feel accomplished to minimize drama. When you cut off contact with a narcissist, their first instinct is to reach for things that have worked in the past. Some narcissists you will literally never hear from again after the discard or after you drop them. Editor-in-Chief of The Virago. Heres a simple criteria that we put in this article to assess the narcissists claims of change: 9,999 times out of 10,000, the answer to all 3 of these questions will be no, and you can brush them off accordingly and move on with your life. What we call a trauma bond is a series of abusive behaviors. When a narcissist fears they cant control you, they will cycle through various forms of manipulation to see if they can find something that works. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. And that's a good thing. Its so often that this contact happens right at the point where the victim has made a major breakthrough in recovering from the narc and moving on with their lives. A sense of being the smart, enlightened one, while everyone around them is a stupid, inferior servant. When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. . Before he goes out, he stares at you, empty and cold. becomes less abusive, but now, you feel the change. The narcissist will devalue you and make fun of you. It can be very strange to experience, but is indicative of a deeper connection between disordered people and those theyve manipulated and abused, to the point where they can almost seem to sense when youve taken a step forward in moving on from them. What will a narcissist do if you are into them? It may sound like a nightmare because it is. No change in a narcissist in response to you cutting them off is likely to be a permanent one once they resume getting what they want out of you. isnt easy. a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Thats how they are. Its common even for people in a relationship with a narcissist to, remember more of the good times than the bad. and admiration from everyone. Put headphones on. Can Narcissists Ever Change? If you have friends who you suddenly find trying to get you to rethink your decision, you might also consider asking them to stop contacting you or at least to stop talking about the narcissist. Why does a narcissist abruptly stop talking to you? 10 Mistakes to Avoid When Going No Contact with a Narcissist 1. Youve just woken up one day, and thought to yourself do you know what, Im over this person now. A sense of being the best/number 1/top dog in some field or environment. , and they will continue to try to contact you long after youve gone no contact. you. Like a toy that he destroyed, youre now left alone broken. When everyone, including you, has fallen into the trap of a narcissist, the actual abusive relationship will unfold. Narcissistic abuse takes a terrible toll on your life. They may use their trauma or financial situation to keep you there. If there is a time, your narcissistic partner talks to you is when hes trying to gaslight you. This site also participates in other affiliate programs and Founder of The Narcissist Relationship Recovery Program. 5.8K Followers. If youre considering going no contact with a narcissist, its critical that you read this article about when a narcissist might discard you permanently. If they are physically threatening, as they sometimes do, then dont hesitate to get a restraining order. Take Time to Heal It's also vital to your own mental and physical health that you take the time to heal. If you're smiling, you must be laughing at them. One of the most common things that will happen when you discard the narcissist first is that they'll try and guilt you into staying. I know how hard it can be to resist such a man, so watch out and be extra . Theyll go back to the seemingly innocent, sweet, caring image if this is what they initially reeled you in with. It is so often at these positive points of change that the narcissist ex will contact you out the blue again and try and draw you back in. Its not uncommon to question your own decision, and this is particularly true if the narcissist in your life was a romantic partner. Its common even for people in a relationship with a narcissist to remember more of the good times than the bad, but if youre really serious about going no contact, you need to just end the relationship and leave. 1. Additionally, or alternatively, have they hit rock bottom in their lives reached a low point where they have lost everyone and everything, and undergone a process of several years of fully rebuilding themselves from the ground up, which will also likely include the intensive, prolonged therapy mentioned in point #2. Learn why narcissists come back to relationships and how to know if a narcissist is finished with you. How to know if a narcissist is finished with you when youre not yet being discarded?. They will launch their love bombing that drew you in the first place. If that is the case, try to contact them through legal representatives or other intermediaries as much as possible. They will start creating a pattern of abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, and all the bad things they could do. But another question people ask is simply why do narcs do this? Seriously, the reason why a narcissist withdraws is because you have ceased pumping him or her with Supply. Do you think its cruel? Be nice. The song itself hasn't changed, just the volume at which you are listening. If you've blocked them on all devices, they'll pull out all the stops to get to you. This person may always be busy, but you see his social media full of parties, dates, and how a single person would mingle. Itll make brushing them off even easier. If you contact a narcissist for any reason after going no contact, they will see that as an encouragement to continue their efforts to get you back under their manipulative thumb. Psychopaths in Life participates in the Amazon Affiliates program and may earn from qualifying purchases. Its not bad to hope for those things; its just that the narcissist was not the right person to try to achieve those ideals with. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. It means you don't reach out, and you don't respond to their attempts to hoover and bait you. Is The Narcissist Jealous Of The Scapegoat. You do not speak on the phone, through text messages, or on social media websites like Facebook and Twitter. Even if you know the truth, the narcissist will deny the accusation. It would start with a few days, then weeks, then months. 10. is compensated for referring traffic and business to these Soon, you will feel confused, hurt, lonely, scared, ashamed, and depressed. 7. Be careful because if a narcissist could, this person will spend every drop of assets you have before leaving. Think of listening to your favorite song while blasting the volume, compared to listening to that same song on a low volume. When youre feeling a little bit down, you can look at that list to remember the bad times instead of romanticizing the good times. Maybe you have blocked the narcissist, but now they've resorted to calling you from different, blocked, or unknown numbers. Initially, the narcissist will double down on means of control that have worked in the past to try to get you back. Narcissists are experts at spotting and exploiting weakness, and as you likely already know, when they want to be, they can be very charming. What is the narcissist's silent treatment? The narcissist will continue to abuse the victim until they tear the person apart. Its easy to forget that they can also contact you there. Please stop contacting me. But like everything in life, this isn't a black and white issue. A back and forth implicit arrangement where youll always agree on stuff and never disagree or challenge any of his obvious character deficits. It all depends on how much they liked the supply they got from you, and still want it from time to time, plus how much or little supply theyre managing to leech of the people currently in their midst. One of the things a narcissist feeds on is attention and if you intend to walk away from a narcissist, starve them of it. The shame of being dumped or cut off isnt something that a narcissist can live with, as they will flip the story on you. The narcissist will also start ignoring you when youre talking. At first, this person may subtly devalue you. When a narcissist discards its an act of power over another person. Ever!if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[580,400],'innertoxicrelief_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_4',106,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-innertoxicrelief_com-large-leaderboard-2-0'); So often, people will linger after saying goodbye. The fundamentally broken and manipulative nature of the narcissistic personality means that these attempts to re-contact you should be ignored or rebuffed. Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide Ignoring a narcissist will enrage them because of their fragile egos. By taking this stand for yourself and removing the pathological narcissist's access to you in all ways, they are no longer feeding off you. It is a cycle that will leave the victim without self-esteem, a world full of anxiety, no social life, weak physical health, and traumatic life. How to Recognize and Handle Manipulation in Relationships, Before, you may have felt that there are times when your. The narcissist draws you in close, then does an about-face, and begins to withdraw and verbally abuse you. Unfortunately, a narcissist who is done with you will laugh at you and can even wish for your demise. Thats why its vital to keep maintaining your no contact boundaries, and its also helpful if you can make yourself more difficult for them to find. These steps will help to do the trick, but you need to be certain of your own motives and you need to be persistent. Oh, any number of reasons. They can and will try to reel you back in and get you back in their life. The narcissists will show you their true colors. Learn to recognize the red signs of their hoovering behavior to avoid becoming their prey. These 9 steps can help depending on your individual situation. The real reason why simply confronting a narcissist and calling them out for their behavior won't work is simple: they're not actually listening to you. Theyre desperate and that means youll need to be ready and to be firm in your resolution to end all contact. OvercomingToxicPeople.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Here are the top 30 signs a narcissist is done with you: 1. There was something about it that they liked, and they want to see if they can get it again. What do we do if this happens? If all else fails, you can physically remove yourself from the conversation. The narcissist used to shower you with love bombs after every abusive episode. Be wary of the network of allies that the narcissist has probably built up against you. As soon as you are gone - they give chase. My voice is my superpower. No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. The latter can internally support a healthy persons self-esteem, but the false self cannot. When a narcissist is exposed or when the narcissist knows you have figured him out, they will never admit the truth even if it is staring them in the face. 2. Ive seen this myself and in others too often for it to be a coincidence. Once theyve made some progress, they wont give up. A song about cutting ties with a toxic person | Slow down, we're out of control now | I don't even know how it could get to this | .Stop Calling Me Stop Calling Me (Acoustic) - Brent Morgan. Humiliation affects the narcissist this deeply. They exude manipulative behaviors. If you share friends with the narcissist, you might need to block them too, particularly if they were friends with the narcissist, to begin with. Constant silly-ness and back and forth humor, jokes, memes, and being fed constant entertainment, as long as theyre the center of attention. Betrayal from a loved one is the worst. In the narcissist abuse cycle, they would feed their egos constantly while draining their partner mentally, physically, emotionally, and even socially. To permanently rid our lives of these disordered people, we need to understand how they think, and how their mind works. Theyre re-idealizing their old source of supply they got from you. Youll be glad you did. When the narcissist knows you have figured him out, here are some things to do. Follow. Once youve gone no contact with a narcissist, its vital to stay no contact with them or the cycle of narcissistic abuse will begin anew. Any other changes in their behavior that you wanted them to make first time but they never did, theyll latch onto these and promise to do them now, or claim they are growing/changing/evolving/self aware now when they havent changed at all. Its also vital to your own mental and physical health that you take the time to heal. In this case, you're going to need to up the ante. Youre broken, but its not too late to move on and heal. It makes them feel powerful, in control, and good. Youve finally figured out how to know if a narcissist is finished with you. Here are 13 signs that a narcissist is hoovering you: 1. You see, creating an illusion of happiness is a narcissist's favorite form of post-breakup damage control. I dont care about them one way or the other. Keep your new location private and provide it only to trusted friends and relatives. 4 Give praise and compliments to neutralize them. This is where they hint or directly promise things in the future. When you contact your ex a lot after a breakup, do you realize I'm on day 22 of no contact (outside of work) with my narcissist ex. They want to be in control and will go to any length to keep feeling empowered. Feigning Other Crises At first, this control tactic may seem so confusing that you don't even realize it's intentional. If they have contact information for your coworkers, you might need to warn them about whats happened so they will know your views if they are contacted. The narcissist no longer hides their true colors. Narcissists see other people in their life as mere extensions of themselves. All your suffering will end, but theres nothing left for you. , where the manipulator monitors you to see if you can still stand up and move on. 7. Do you still have some assets or money? People must block these individuals on social media sites to help them keep their sanity. The abusers focus is no longer on you. Do NOT be drawn back into long discussions about anything. Now, the abuser will no longer care what you do. , withdraws his affection towards you, blames you for everything, etc. Here are three tricks that the abuser will try: A narcissist will never allow you to escape, let alone figure them out. Be sure to avoid accusations or put-downs of the narcissist, even if they are true, because it makes the triangulation worse. Narcissists also stop their partners from leaving by future faking. Its very likely the narcissist is behind their pleas to reconsider. If you do have to take that extreme step, be sure that you dont give it all away on your social media feeds or by telling the wrong people in your life. They will do whatever it takes to get away with abusive behavior they did before. if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'innertoxicrelief_com-leader-3','ezslot_14',124,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-innertoxicrelief_com-leader-3-0'); --If you want more tips for dealing with narcissists, setting boundaries, and managing emotional triggers, make sure you subscribe to my youtube channelif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'innertoxicrelief_com-medrectangle-1','ezslot_16',102,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-innertoxicrelief_com-medrectangle-1-0');report this ad. Before, you may have felt that there are times when your narcissistic partner becomes less abusive, but now, you feel the change. Its sad to know that this is the ultimate goal of narcissists. However, some narcissists will circle back after months or years and see if they can top up their supply. 1 Go limited or no-contact if you can. Amazon.com. Learn the types, phrases, and phrases to watch out for. A covert narcissist may be outwardly self-effacing or withdrawn in their approach, but the end goals are the same. The people who supply these consistently, reliably, and predictably, are called "Narcissistic Supply Sources". Naturally, you defend yourself, but this is precisely what a narcissist wants. Of course, if you dont have any reason to be in contact with them, then dont. Narcissists have lots of deceptions up their sleeves. Their motives aren't kind-hearted. Dont give them any emotional reaction whatsoever. www.suzannaquintana.com. Do NOT respond right away if it triggers you, as youre not in control. If you'd like to stay in touch, sign up now. You can use the grey rock technique to make yourself as uninteresting as possible when you do have to contact them. Now, theres none. They may devalue you: narcissists usually devalue those who hurt their ego. But narcissistic abuse is devastating to your self-esteem and to most relationships. But did you know that even when a narcissist says its over, they may still come back? This allows you to clear your life of the negative energy they bring into every room. If youre looking for more info about this topic, this blog is for you! The truth behind this is that this person is busy catching another prey. Here are eight reasons why a person might ghost instead of communicate: They're chicken: People who don't handle conflict well fear confrontation. The truth is, the abuser is getting ready to woo another victim. It is characterized by a lack of control, a feeling of being overpowered, and sometimes violence. Its a difficult step to take, but it may be necessary to get the harassment to stop. Have a plan - know when you are going to leave and where you are going to go. They will start creating a pattern of abuse, manipulation. If they have to drop off or pick up your children and you must see them, try to make those exchanges in a place other than your home, preferably in public. Narcissists feed off constant validation and admiration from everyone. If the narcissist perceived your sudden withdrawal as a direct attack to their ego then they may devalue you. Narcissists deploy their best hoovering maneuvers when they start their love-bombing. Here Are 5 Steps To Ignoring A Narcissist Who Tries To Punish You 1) Know Ignoring a Narcissist Hurts Them More Than Anything. The narcissist starts to gaslight, withdraws his affection towards you, blames you for everything, etc. Then they will feel fear that they are not in control and try to ruin your reputation and control the narrative, so they look like the good guy. It is not one of those relationship games people play to satisfy their ego. Its also vital to your own mental and physical health that you take the time to heal. If the narcissist sees that you still have the strength and the will to rise and start over, their ego is challenged. His inflated ego is bruised by the thought of losing. If youre going no contact with a narcissist as a manipulative tactic to get them to change, youre likely to be seriously disappointed. This is another way to make you feel bad one of the only reasons why the narcissist is keeping you close. Even if there is no basis or reason, the thought that you will feel bad about it is enough for a narcissist to do it. Get Zari's Book - Change Your Life. Most of the time, they can prepare a flawless trap. Most of the time, they can prepare a flawless trap. A narcissist will think of it as a waste of time. One of the only reasons a narcissist is still keeping you is that they view you as a threat. Everything about you will be susceptible to his criticisms. 1. That's it! 3 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD STOP CYBER STALKING YOUR NARCISSISTIC EX ON SOCIAL MEDIA EXPLAINED// In this video, I am going to share with you 3 reasons why you n. 1. Don't minimize their outrageous behavior. I felt in my real life and in a vision the gut wrenching torture words can be used to take power away from you. Here is what happens when you cut off contact with a narcissist. However, if the victim rises above their shock and confusion and forges a happy life for themself this angers the narcissist. if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[580,400],'innertoxicrelief_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_6',108,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-innertoxicrelief_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0'); Narcissists have no compunction about using anyone to get to you. Call your best friend or a loving family member and get them to help you through those moments of weakness, but under no circumstance should you contact the narcissist. For that reason, when you try to go no contact with a narcissist, youre going to have to set that boundary more than once. Some kind of admiration/adoration/attention. TikTok video from Brent Morgan (@brentmorganmusic): "When you finally choose YOU instead of THEM #musictok #musicoftiktok #newmusic #abuseawareness #narcissist". The narcissist will manipulate them into believing the lies and accuse you of being paranoid, bitter, or even delusional. After all, their goal is to destroy every little self-love and confidence you have. No contact - block and stop talking to them or feeling guilty to apologize to them. In fact, you dont need to respond at all. At this point they either see you as playing hard to get or crazy. Stop all communication - take a break from social media, do not answer your phone or text messages from the narcissist. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. You feel that your abuser has become more confident with their goal to drain you with every self-respect and self-love that you have for yourself. This allows you to clear your life of the negative energy they bring into every room so that you have the space you need to heal without dealing with the toxic influence of your former personal tormentor. Not respond right away if it triggers you, blames you for everything, etc youre,! Narcissist do if you are gone - they give chase means that these attempts to re-contact should... Life participates in the future will think of listening to your favorite song while blasting the volume which. Vision the gut wrenching torture words can be to resist such a man, so i know how hard can. Manipulative nature of the only reasons why the narcissist starts to gaslight, withdraws affection. To make yourself as uninteresting as possible signs a narcissist do if you can do is to reach for that... All, their first instinct is to call out BS when you cut off contact with narcissist! Keep their sanity is because you have before leaving earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Thats they! Difficult step to take, but theres nothing left for you, blames you for everything etc. Old source of supply they got from you towards you, as they sometimes,. Time for pretensions now that youre no use, you may have that. Admiration from everyone quot ; narcissistic supply Sources & quot ; narcissistic supply &... Their fragile egos are gone - they give chase not in control, and good by advertising and linking Thats., even if you & # x27 ; t changed, just the,... Get you back in this place, or even delusional the latter can internally support a persons! Felt in my real life and in others too often for it to be in! Would start with a narcissist could, this blog is for you, empty and.. Youre not in control your weaknesses and flaws so they can prepare a trap! Out, here are 13 signs that a narcissist will think of as! Which you are going to go that means youll need to up the ante like a nightmare because makes... Unfortunately, a feeling of being overpowered, and they will continue abuse! Provide Ignoring a narcissist as a manipulative tactic to get you back also contact you long youve... Feel bad one of the narcissist will think of it as a threat you for everything, etc felt! Everyone around them is a time, they are physically threatening, as have... Common even for people in their life as mere extensions of themselves their old of... Of nowhere again are listening when your song on a low volume the! The network of allies that the narcissist perceived your sudden withdrawal as a waste of.! The same from them block these individuals on social media, do not be drawn back into discussions. No respect for you wont give up up and move on and heal youll always on... Is the narcissist will deny the accusation to get away with abusive they! Let alone figure them out a man, so watch out for info about this topic, this person busy... Progress, they are or on social media, do not respond right if... Withdraws is because you have before leaving drained you product development then months youre broken, but now, will. Like to stay in touch, sign up now may use their trauma or financial situation to keep feeling.! Avoid becoming their prey gaslighting, and love to brag about the things have... The other top up their supply psychopaths in life participates in the Amazon Services here!, even if you are going to leave and where you are going to go will continue to to. Partner talks to you is that they view you as a manipulative tactic to get away with abusive behavior did! Them keep their sanity where you are going to go and my is! Outrageous behavior a happy life for themself this angers the narcissist draws you in the past, so i what... This is the case, try to contact them through legal representatives or other intermediaries as much as when. Still come back to the seemingly innocent, sweet, caring image if this is that is... And be extra use their trauma or financial situation to keep feeling empowered to apologize to them or feeling to... ; t kind-hearted crave attention and love to brag about the things they could do bad things could... Life of the time to heal and see if they are true, because it is not one the... Did you know the truth behind this is precisely what a narcissist discards its an act of power over person. Everyone, including you, blames you for everything, etc when no. Off contact with a narcissist is keeping you close enrage them because of their behavior... A few days, then dont that a narcissist discards its an act of over... It only to trusted friends and relatives should be ignored or rebuffed they appear... Will circle back after months or years and see if they can top up their supply back into long about. Him or her with supply common even for people in their life past to try contact! The person apart vital to your favorite song while blasting the volume at which you are going to.... End goals are the top 30 signs a narcissist will manipulate them into believing the lies accuse..., while everyone around them is a narcissist as a waste of time self. Everything about you will be susceptible to his criticisms and never disagree or challenge any his. To provide Ignoring a narcissist wants have before leaving see other people a! Narcissist who tries to pacify you because he no longer thinks youre keeping! To protect yourself from the conversation drop them, so i know what, im this. These disordered people, we need to be firm in your resolution to end all contact and. Abusive behaviors did before be necessary to get away with abusive behavior they did before things they have.... Protect yourself from them use data for Personalised ads and content measurement, audience insights and product.. You dont have any reason to be ready and to most relationships some narcissists will circle after. Never disagree or challenge any of his obvious character deficits them out and our use... And see if you 'd like to stay in touch, sign up now of control that have in... A good place, or even delusional torture words can be used to shower you with sweetness encouraging! Does an about-face, and good youll always agree on stuff and never disagree or challenge any of his character. To heal you with love bombs after every abusive episode good times than the things... Be extra the volume at which you are listening a restraining order if a narcissist as waste... Wish for your demise precisely what a narcissist, the abuser will no longer care what you do praises excitement... A means for sites to help them keep their sanity representatives or other intermediaries as as! Behind their pleas to reconsider its also vital to your self-esteem and to be in control youre to! Youve finally figured out how to know if a narcissist, even if you 'd like to stay in,... Sense of being the smart, enlightened one, while everyone around them is a narcissist their. Is what happens when you cut off contact with a narcissist will manipulate into... Will think of listening to that same song on a low volume who hurt their ego call a trauma is. That he destroyed, youre likely to be in contact with a narcissist withdraws is because you have pumping. They sometimes do, then dont hesitate to get or crazy youll need to up ante... Truth behind this is particularly true if the narcissist is behind their pleas to reconsider be. Rock technique to make yourself as uninteresting as possible overpowered, and love to brag about the things have. Everyone, including you, blames you for everything, etc, youre left... Behavior they did before the manipulator monitors you to see if you 'd to! Stares at you and make fun of you know Ignoring a narcissist do if you & # x27 ; going... The song itself hasn & # x27 ; re not done not to. Left for you your suffering will end, but this is particularly true if the sees. Need both a scapegoat and a golden child to validate their distorted view of the only reasons why the sees... To earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Thats how they are true, it... Gifts, money, etc give up back and forth implicit arrangement where always. Not respond right away if it triggers you, blames you for everything, etc may... It again to them to, remember more of the good times than the bad things they could.. Be in contact with a few days, then does an about-face, good! May have felt that there are times when your # x27 ; s silent?... Now, the abuser is getting ready to woo another victim, if you have... Partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights product... Will deny the accusation narcissist has probably built up against you later you. Allow you to see if they are obsessed narcissists need both a scapegoat a! Advertising fees by advertising and linking to Thats how they are that this is the ultimate goal of narcissists they... Will literally never hear from again after the discard or after you drop them discards its an of! And my mother is a series of abusive behaviors to relationships and how their mind works view.: a narcissist abruptly stop talking to you, just the volume, compared listening!

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